Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
