im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He shit in the fireplace
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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