Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
