Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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