We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
