The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
