They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
