Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
