We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
