Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
