I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone came in the potted fern
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
