I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All the doctor said was why
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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