I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
