Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
