Nicole vs. Life
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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