mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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