Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
