Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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