hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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