dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
