i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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