This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
