the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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