I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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