Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
