Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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