She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
