She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
