Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
