Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
