Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
