Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
