I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
