yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
