Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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