I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
