just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
