this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have feelings that need drinking.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
