I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
honey bunches of taint.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
