he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
