Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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