I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
