There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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