can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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