I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
