never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
