Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
