all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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