Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
