ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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