she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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