he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
