I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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