You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
