If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
