what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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