How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
my nose is crying tears of wow.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
