So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
