I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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