i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
