someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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