Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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