so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
