Soap is not a condiment
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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